Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
