Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
