I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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