Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize