$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She needs sedatives and a leash
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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