Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
