I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize