no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
