brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
