I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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