if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
