why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
