i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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