Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
