did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
