she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
