I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
