my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
