wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
