It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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