Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
