you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
