I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize