my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
