First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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