Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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