Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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