Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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