But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
