It's like God shit irony all over that family
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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