just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I cannot find my penis.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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