Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
