I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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