What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
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Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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