the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
