I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
