Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This baby is an asshole
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
