i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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