I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
