all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
