I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
