i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
