Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
