So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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