So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
