She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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