she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
