It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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