I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
