Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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