the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
