So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
