no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
