i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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