Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
