sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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