I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?†This is time sensitive.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
