I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
