dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
