The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
