i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
