The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
