so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
