She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
