I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
