i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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