There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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