Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize