i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
