Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
