i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
