went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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