The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
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Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
soo... how was my night?
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