i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
