There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
