sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
